People are always asking me: Do ascots still have a place in menswear? Depending on your build and how you rock it, my answer is a cautious yes. The ascot is like strawberry flavored lubricant, it can be the defining touch or a fruity mess. Below I have provided a few tips on how to properly wear the ascot:
The Collar
1. When wearing an ascot make sure your collar is starched and folded inside your blazer or sweater. Never, I repeat never, have the tips of your collar wide open, pointing at your shoulders. Don’t do that no matter what, but especially not when rocking an ascot. If you violate this simple rule you’re going to look more like Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees than Carry Grant in ‘To Catch a Thief.’
Overkill
2. Don’t be a caricature. The last thing any of us want or should want is to look like the frat boy who makes it his thing to go to parties dressed ‘whacky’. That guy is not only a douche, he is probably an alcoholic. The ascot deserves the same respect you pay your Mother or cobbler. If the rest of your gear is somewhat flashy or busy, tone down the ascot. If, as I prefer, the rest of your ensemble is subtle and classic, allow the ascot a little more leeway to pop off the page.
More Overkill
3. Finally, and I wish I didn’t even have to mention this. When wearing the ascot, don’t wear cologne or a bunch of accessories. Personally, I go the route of no jewelry, not even a watch, no matter what I’m wearing. I also never wear cologne. The only scent allowed in the Perrealtasphere is Old Spice Deodorant, Original Scent.
Coolest Politician Update:
Seeing as how Kim Jong il and Joe Lieberman are currently the leading vote getters, I think I’m going to hold off on naming a winner. I encourage readers to continue submitting their picks.
And even though Kim Jong Il is a 3 foot tall, homicidal maniac, he is still way cooler than Joe Lieberman.
Finally, please feel free to write in your fashion concerns. I know some of you struggle, especially those of you in law school. I can help.
Go Well, Brothers
"People are always asking me: Do ascots still have a place in
ReplyDeletemenswear?"
My first question: Who do you roll with?
Those jerkoffs should know (as should you, Perreaultasphere), that the last time an ascot was cool was when Patrick Dempsey wore one in Can't Buy Me Love (at the New Years Eve party when that whore, Cindy Mancini, outed him for his master plan). You may remember it from the bathroom scene when he utters that beautiful poetry, "I dream of us in a sea of deep blue. Together at last. Together, we two."
That said, just because that was the last time it was pulled off doesn't mean it can't be done again.
Secondly, you've committed a major miscalculation with your "no watch policy". A nice timepiece is the subtle yet delicious icing on the style cake that is my life.
I thought the politician had to be American.
ReplyDeletesounds like your 'style cake' was baked in the discount clothing oven called Ross.
ReplyDeletethey politician did have to be American. some of these peasants care more about a good joke than a serious question. I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteThis is the greatest blog to date (Preceded by the worst - criticising the good people of Boston and the glory of the Cs).
ReplyDeleteHowever, you almost lost me at old Spice deodorant, Ryan. The truth of it is that Old Spice is for decaying grandmothers and men that sleep with parapalegics. I certainly can't offer you the best fragrance available because that happens to be the essence permeating from my natural body. But if you're curious, I suggest a dash of vanilla extract applied to the neck and wrist. A woman can resist the stink of all things old and spicy, but rarely do they say no to a batch of cookies.
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ReplyDeleteThe caveat: has a tendency to attract the heavys.
ReplyDeleteDisagreed. All women like Old Spice original scent. It's a thing.
ReplyDeleteAhem.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af1OxkFOK18
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ReplyDeleteAgreed. See: Electra Complex.
ReplyDeleteMy dad wears Right Guard.
ReplyDelete...and vanilla smells like German girls trying to cover up their body odor.
ReplyDelete